A Merdeka Day with Love-Hate

When I was drafting this post, National day was just 2 days away. As I was driving home on that night in a crawling traffic in the drizzle, the word 'love-hate' crossed my mind and was registered to best describe my mixed feeling towards our country at this juncture, in conjunction with the 51st Merdeka Day.

Strategically located geographically, full of natural resources and almost free of natural disasters, this is the blessed piece of land where I was born and where my ancestors had set foot on and rooted.

Clear blue sky, coconut trees, hibiscus, kampung houses, beaches, rivers, tropicana fruits, loads and loads of awesomely delicious local foods and drinks, and the authentic smile and laughter of the people are probably some of the symbolic things that paint the picture of the nostalgic Malaysia in those good old days. This piece of beautiful land has given us loads of very unique Malaysian memories as we grew up.

When I was a kid, whenever there were Badminton matches between China and Malaysia, be it Thomas Cup or any other tounaments, I would naturally cheer for the Chinese players, ironically. It was probably the influence from my dad, who is more patriotic towards China comparatively, as my late grandparents were from China.

From the recent Beijing Olympics opening, I discovered that dad's heart is still more towards China, which caught me a little bit in surprise but on a second thought it's understandably not that surprising. Though dad was extremely sleepy, he waited till the China contingent to march in to the Bird's Nest Stadium and he sang along enthusiastically when the national anthem of the People Republic of China was played! I can't really recall if I've ever heard him sing the Negaraku in front of me but can clearly remember hearing him sing the national anthem of China more than once. Of course, he did sing the Negaraku on offical occasions but not in front of me. Well, when the people love the country but the country doesn't them in return... You know...

As I grow older, I started to be 'clearer' of my identity and feel proud to be a Malaysian. Patriotism started to grow within me. I love my country, that's where I was born and bred with lots of unique fond memories, with my dearest family and friends around.

When I entered university, the first thing that I was exposed to was injustice in student intake under the quota system and hostel allocation. Everything is not based on qualification but 'kulitfication'. While some friends scored straight As in STPM just to be denied an entry to University of Malaya, the uni and course of their choices, some people who got shitty results and didn't even deserve a place in uni were everywhere in the local universities. Nothing much has changed till today. Pissed and disappointed, these friends left the country to study in Singapore and have become doctors there and would never want to come back.

Over the years, when I get exposed to more and more realities that really bite and hurt, I am getting more and more pissed off and disappointed with the country, should say the morons in power to be more exact.

With rocketing crime rate, worsening economy, inflation, continuous brain drain, severe corruption, injustice, racism, one after another ridiculous political dramas and a lot more saddening situations, our beloved country has been turned into a very sorry state. Am even comtemplating to leave... So, don't get surprised if I tell you I am leaving one day.

I didn't find any reason and meaning to celerate the national day. Even Anwar's political come back into the parliarnment wasn't a strong enough reason. We, the people want something more, an entire change for the betterment of the country! Will that really happen on 16 Sep? I wonder...

It's a Merdeka with a love-hate mixed feeling. I didn't even bother to read or follow any news about the celebration. The only thing that I felt happy about on 31 Aug 2008 was a friend's wedding.